Wife and mother relationship, by Peer Syed Mohyuddin Mahboob

Allah Ta'ala says, "O you who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful " [Al-Hujurat, 49:12].

Reviling, insulting, slandering, backbiting, and cursing fellow Muslims are major sins. When these fellow Muslims are also family members, the harm that is done is unimaginable. Likewise, sowing discord between a husband and wife and trying to undermine their marriage is also an enormity. While kindness to parents is an obligation, unconditional obedience is not. Many Muslim cultures place a great deal of emphasis on deference to parents regardless of the elders' behavior.

Your religious obligation is to be kind and respectful to your parents. However, you do not owe them unconditional obedience. And Islam certainly does not require us to tolerate abuse. Your parents' behavior certainly sounds abusive. You have to balance between the rights of your parents and the rights of your wife. Your wife is entitled to protection and dignity. Islam does not require her to cook and clean up after your parents or siblings. If your wife chooses to do this, her work is considered sadaqa, or charity. She also has the right to ask for compensation for doing housework.

your wife is entitled to safety and dignity. As her husband, you are her maintainer and protector. As Muslims, we stand up for justice, even if it means standing up to our own selves or our families. Allah Ta'ala says, "O you who believe! Stand firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest ye swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well- acquainted with all that you do" [An-Nisa, 4:135].

And the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace, who was the epitome of grace and good manners, even with his enemies, said, "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, "O Messenger of Allah! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet said, "By preventing him from oppressing others" (Bukhari).

By standing up to your parents, you are doing them a favor. As their son, you naturally want the best for them. Help them to see the great harm of their actions, but do so out of love for them. Ask Allah Ta'ala to open their hearts, heal their pain, and bring them to repent for their actions.